The little things

          It is amazing what a $5 set of press-on nails can do for you. I bought myself and my daughter press on nails the day before thanksgiving. She had hers on at thanksgiving but I had not put mine on yet.

 Thanksgiving was a very hard day for me. I missed Mike like crazy and cried the whole day. I was a mess!!

Today is the day after Thanksgiving and I have been struggling with everything, Life, family, and my own demons. I have spent the day in bed letting my depression get to me. I don't have the desire to do anything. I couldn't finish a show, I don't know how many shows I started only to stop them a short way into them. I finally got out of bed and started to clean up my bedroom a bit and I found these pres-on nails. I sat down and put them on, I felt better. I know this might sound silly to some of you but I looked at my hands with these nails and I felt pretty! it just lifted my spirits. I have been able to focus better and have been able to get some things done. It seems like such a small thing but it has been a little wonderful moment in my life. I know I shouldn't need something material to lift me out of my low times but at this moment I feel like it was the little push I needed.

the Little things are the things that add up to help us accomplish the big things. I am grateful for the little things! I a grateful for my Family and the Family I have chosen to be my family. I am most grateful for my 3 kids and all the help me to be and do. I am grateful for the little things, the silly things that can change your mood, your happiness, and your life!

Ramblings of an Exhausted Pigeon.....

Why a Pigeon????

This is the way I feel!

Let me give you some background on why I feel like a Permanently Exhausted Pigeon! I have been taking care of my Husband for our whole marriage, 9 wonderful years. The last 3 years have been the hardest. My husband has been sick for our entire marriage. I knew is was going to be hard, I have health issues, he came with 3 beautiful children and his own health issues that we will get into later. I had to work full time to provide for the family. Mike, my husband, could not work.

Over these 9 years, I have had lots of time to ponder things whether sitting in a hospital room with Mike or working at several different jobs. I have decided to share these thoughts with you. Some may be sad, some happy, some silly and others just ramblings. One thing you need to know about me is what you see is what you get. I am going to share my true feelings with you, Life is not always positive but we can try to find the positive in Life. This is what I have been trying to do through all life has thrown at us!

I have had this written for quite a while trying to decide if I really wanted to do this but something keeps telling me to move forward with this so here we go!

I hope you enjoy my Ramblings. 

Mike's Liver Transplant Day1

I think I am ready to try to tell our story! It is been very overwhelming and has taken awhile to process. but here we go......

June 3rd

June 3rd was a Sunday and neither of us were feeling well so we stayed in bed. Mike got a phone call about 2:00 pm. Every time we saw the caller ID come in as the University of Utah Liver Center we went on instant alert.  This time she called and told us they might have a liver for mike. You dont want to get your hopes up to high since this has happened to us before, but she said Mike was at the top of the list and so depending on which hospital it went to Mike might have a Liver!!!!! Needless to say we didnt get much rest after that. We were talking and Mike told me he had the feeling all day he was getting a liver today. The next 6 hours were crazy! you dont want to get excited and we just sat and again talked about everything we would need to gather and to get in order if this really was his liver.  about 8:00 we again received a call from the U of U letting us know once again Mike was at the top of the list for the liver but the donor was not deceased yet. Once again we got to play the waiting game. We finally decided to call the kids and let them know we think we had a LIVER!

We told the older 2 kids first, they were like us excited but cauciously so.  They did tell us that all three Kids had fasted and prayed that their Dad would get a Liver and it looked like their prayers were being answered.  June 3rd is also our youngest childs 10th birthday.  What a birthday present..... A liver for your dad, a miracle letting your father watch you grow up. Something we werent sure was going to happen......

We finally got the call at 11:57 telling us unless the liver is not viable the liver is Mike's and we needed to be to the Hopsital at 7am! Guess what we didnt sleep much! how can you sleep when your whole life was going to be changed in just a few short hours.  I of course went into stress mode, once again thinking of everything that needed to be done, everything that we need to get together but my fears also begin to rise. What if he doesnt make it through the surgery, how long will the surgery take, how long will his recovery be, what is my boss going to say and think, and on and on.......You get the Idea........ I have always been good at stressing! :(

Mikes' TIPS procedure

     Mike had his TIPS procedure done on April 5th 2018. We went up to the University of Utah to the Interventional Radiology department to it put in. The Dr explained to us that they will go in through his neck down to his liver and up from the groin area to the liver.This procedure takes from 1-4 hours. They had to do a paracentesis to drain the fluid from his abdomen so they had a clean area to work with, they pulled 5.5 liters out before they did any thing else. The procedure took 3 hours to complete, and then they took him up to the ICU department.
      I have a secret I HATE hospitals! I joked with Mike that while we were dating the dinner and movie on Fridays were wonderful but the ER afterwards I could have done without. ;-) You would think that I would be used to them by now and for the most part I am but I just have a hard time sitting there helpless.
     This surgery was different, when I walked into that ICU room and saw Mike hooked up to all the machines and had all the IV's in his arm it was like a glimpse into what is going to happen. What he will look like and even worse when he gets the liver transplant, I was scared! The ICU is very different then just a regular hospital room, the nurses spend a lot more time in the room and they do a lot more tests. Mike had what they call an A line, IV's are inserted into veins and the A line is inserted to the Artery in your wrist. The cool part of the A line was that his heart beat and blood pressure updated with every beat of his heart. I sat and watched this for a long time watching his body do what bodies so fascinatingly do.
     Mike spend a few hours in one ICU unit and then they had a patient come in that needed the room more so he was transferred to a different ICU room. I got a call from the Hospital right after I got home and my heart started beating faster, I was worried that something wrong luckily they were just telling me he had been moved.
     April 6th & 7th Mike spent the day in the ICU they kept telling us he would be moved to a regular room but they didn't have rooms open. The U of U hospital is very big and busy.  About 1:00 the Dr came in and gave the OK for mike to be released but told us not to plan on leaving for a few hours it would take her that long to get the orders in. At 3:00 they came to move Mike into a regular room. We giggled that he would only be going to that room for an hour or two I didn't see the point.
Mike started to have a new pain in his stomach and so the Dr decided they wanted to keep Mike overnight again and Mike was ready to stay and I just wanted him to come home eventually the pain went away and the Dr again gave to OK to send Mike home.
      Mike had changed his clothes, we were packed up and we were ready to leave when the nurse walked in and told him he needed to get back into his Hospital gown, he needed to go down for a CAT scan because they night have a LIVER for him. (JAWS Dropped!) We asked her again to make sure we heard her right. they had a liver coming to the hospital and Mike and 1 other patient were being scanned to see which one would receive the Liver. The other recipient is higher on the list then      Mike but the CAT Scan would show who would be a better fit for the Liver.
We were so Shocked!!! Could this really be happening. We were told if he got a liver we should plan on 12-18 months. He is not sick enough! Could he really be getting a Liver this soon?!?!? we were told the Surgeons were looking at the Liver and the scans at 7:30 and by 8:30 we should know if he was getting the Liver.
     The next 3 hours felt like a MONTH!! we told our parents and a few other people what was happening and I know they all lived that Month along with us! We had so many prayers being offered on our behalf and we could feel those prayers. Mike asked the nurse if he could have a blessing, 2 male nurses came to our room and gave Mike a blessing it was a short but strong blessing.
He was told whether or not he got the liver we would be OK and the Heavenly Father was aware of him. His room was by the helipad and about 7 pm I heard the helicopter land and had the strongest impression the liver was on that helicopter, it was so strong I was almost in tears. Did this mean Mike was getting the Liver. I have always had a hard time knowing if the feelings were from the spirit or me, but i really felt like the Liver had just landed.  By 9:00 we had not heard anything and I started to think Mike was not getting the liver. I was starving not eating much for lunch and now its 9. I joked with Mike the minute I leave to get some food the nurse will come and let him know the decision, and sure enough the minute I left the room to go get food the nurse came walking down the hallway. I walked back into the room and told Mike he didn't get the liver, The nurse followed me in and told us that Mike didn't get the liver.
     The Liver it was a better fit for the other person. I think the nurse was expecting us to be devastated but we had such a strong spirit there we were OK with the decision. If the other person was a better fit then they were the right one. In those few hours while waiting we talked a lot about the What If's, deciding we would be OK either way. Mike kept saying " there are 3 families involved is this 1) the family who just lost their loved one 2) the family who will be disappointed they didn't get the liver and 3) the family who has just received the Liver changing their lives.  we talked a lot about the first one, the one who lost their loved one and how amazing they are to be willing to give the gift of life even in their heartbreak.
     Because Mike didn't get the liver he was able to go home, so again the orders were put in for him to be discharged and we left stopping only to get food because we were both starving!!
      We learned a lot tonight. We learned he could get a liver at any time, we need to get more money, we need to be more prepared for when it does come and we need to have a bag packed so we can just grab it and go. This was a dry run, a glimpse into what will happen when his time does come. But the most important thing we learned is that everything is in the Lords time and we just need to be prepared for when its the right time. We want to thank everyone who has support us through all this!
 

www.gofundme.com/7cyk5k

Update on Mike

I will try to give you an update on Mike. At the beginning of the year I decided to save the wrist band from the Hospital to see how many times mike went to the ER or Hospital.  The month of February Mike was at the hospital every week! It feels like our second home. Its fun when we have a nurse that we have seen before, there is one sweet nurse that we would talk TV shows with. There is a Dr there that has done 3 of Mikes Draining which means it will be done well and fast. As Mike's wife, i feel better knowing he will get good care rather then being stuck with a needle 20+ times.  Mike got another procedure from the doctor that did such a horrible paracentesis and she ended up doing the best paracentesis mike has received. I was cool to see that she took the time to learn from your mistakes and make it so much better.

The Drs at the Uof U told Mike about a surgery call a TIPS procedure, TIPS stands for:

Transjugular intrahepatic portosystemic shunt (TIPS) is a procedure that may be used for complications of cirrhosis called ascites (fluid in the abdomen). A TIPS procedure is done by a radiologist, who places a small wire-mesh coil (stent) into a liver vein. The stent is then expanded using a small inflatable balloon. The stent forms a channel, or shunt, that bypasses the liver. This channel reduces pressure in the portal vein thus reducing the amount of fluid that builds up in Mikes abdomen. 

Complications of the procedure may include:

 Hepatic Encephalopathy: a disorder caused by a buildup of toxins in the brain that can happen with advanced liver disease. It affects a lot of things, like your behavior, mood, speech, sleep, or the way you move it also makes Mike Lose his Mind, his ability to think to remember and to basically function.  This has happened a few times and more likely to happen now that he has had the TIPS put in. We will need to be very diligent with his meds to make sure this wont happen. we have decided to have this procedure done. 

I will tell you how the procedure goes later.